The Hidden Core of Impostor Syndrome: Why You’ll Never “Earn” Your Worth (and Don’t Need To)
If you’ve ever struggled with impostor syndrome, you know the script:
“I don’t belong here.”
“Any minute now, they’re going to realize I’m a fraud.”
“I just got lucky. I don’t deserve this.”
For years, I thought impostor syndrome was about confidence. Or perfectionism. Or comparing myself to others. All those things play a role, but none of them explain why success never feels secure, no matter how much you achieve. The real issue runs deeper. It’s about worth. Specifically, a confusion between conditional worth and intrinsic worth.
The Three Kinds of Worth
Most of us grew up collapsing all forms of worth into one big tangled knot. But there are actually three very different kinds:
Market Worth
This is what society pays you for your skills and output. It fluctuates based on demand, roles, and context. A coder in Silicon Valley may have higher market worth than the same coder in a small rural town.
Relational Worth
This is the value people place on you in relationships - trust, love, presence, reliability. It can rise and fall depending on your behavior, choices, or others’ perceptions.
Intrinsic Worth
This is the unconditional value of your existence. It is not earned, not revoked, not measured. It is the baseline: you have worth because you exist. A newborn baby has it. An elderly person in a hospital bed has it. And yes, you have it. Always.
The Impostor’s Trap
Impostor syndrome takes hold when you deny intrinsic worth and try to anchor your entire identity in market worth and relational worth.
If worth equals market value, you’ll never feel safe. The moment you fail, lose a job, or stop producing, your worth collapses.
If worth equals relational approval, you’ll constantly perform for others, terrified of rejection.
Without intrinsic worth, no amount of success or love ever feels secure.
That’s why accomplishments feel fragile, borrowed, or fake. Why you downplay praise. Why you can’t rest without guilt. Impostor syndrome isn’t really about doubting your skills. It’s about living without the foundation of intrinsic worth.
The Blanket of Conditional Worth
When I was a kid, I woke up every morning under an invisible blanket. Not a warm one, a heavy one. It was the weight of expectation: “Today, you must prove your worth. If you fail, you’ll prove you are not worthy.” That blanket wrapped around my whole body - jaw tight, shoulders hunched, chest heavy. It followed me everywhere. I wore it so long I forgot it wasn’t part of me.
This is what conditional worth feels like. You’re not living life you’re auditioning for it. And no matter how well you perform, you’re always bracing for the moment someone pulls the curtain back and says, “Fraud.”
Separating the Strands
The way out of impostor syndrome isn’t “faking it till you make it.” It’s separating the strands of worth.
Market Worth → will rise and fall with jobs, trends, skills. That’s normal.
Relational Worth → will rise and fall with how you treat people, and how they treat you. That’s human.
Intrinsic Worth → does not rise or fall. It is constant, non-negotiable, and yours by birthright.
Here’s another way to picture it: imagine a well in the center of a village. Everyone drinks from it freely, no questions asked. But as a kid, someone told you, “That water isn’t for you. You have to earn it. You have to prove you’re good enough to take a sip.” So you spend your life thirsty, performing, striving - while the truth was always that the well was yours, too. Intrinsic worth is that well. You can deny it, but you can’t erase it.
The Shift: From Proving to Honoring
Here’s the breakthrough: You don’t need to earn your worth. You need to honor it.
Success isn’t proof of worth. It’s an expression of it.
Failure isn’t a loss of worth. It’s part of learning.
Love isn’t the condition of worth. It’s how worth connects.
This shift turns impostor syndrome inside out. Instead of asking, “Am I enough?” you start asking, “Am I living aligned with the worth I already have?”
How to Practice This
Name the Old Program: When the impostor voice shows up, call it out: “This is the prove-my-worth program. It’s not me.”
Anchor a New Belief: Say it daily: “Intrinsic worth is real, and it belongs to me.”
Beliefs, true or false, shape how we live. This one liberates instead of imprisons.
Separate the Layers:
Market worth - Fluctuates.
Relational worth - Fluctuates.
Intrinsic worth - Constant.
Don’t let the first two masquerade as the third.
Shift the Question
Stop asking: “Am I worthy?”
Start asking: “What’s my responsibility to the worth I already have?”
The Ripple Effect
When you embody intrinsic worth, impostor syndrome loses its grip.
Health: Your body relaxes. You can rest without guilt.
Mental Health: Anxiety quiets, shame softens. You’re more resilient.
Relationships: You show up authentic, not performing. You let others feel worthy too.
Success: Failure doesn’t crush you. Risk feels possible. Creativity flows.
Conclusion
Impostor syndrome isn’t solved by chasing more success or approval. It’s solved by reclaiming what was always true: Intrinsic worth is real, and it belongs to you. The moment you stop trying to earn worth, and start honoring it, impostor syndrome dissolves. Not because you’ve proven yourself. But because you’ve finally come home to yourself.